Don’t Punish Yourself

The only time you should ever look back is to see how far you’ve come - Unknown

You have gone through a storm. You have survived. You take the time to understand what your lessons are from that storm. You know what you needed to learn and grow from it. You apply it to your life and feel better knowing that you are wiser. But as you are moving forward, do you ever pause and glance back at that storm thinking and wondering? Do you still say to yourself certain statements? Are they; It was all my fault. Maybe God was punishing me. If I had made the right choices my life would have been different. Maybe everyone was right about me.

These statements and more like them cause you to focus on the wrong thing. Punishing yourself. A part of you is starting to believe you deserve to be punished. I have spent many times analyzing what I did wrong to get into a storm or how my life could have been different if I had avoided the storm all together. Our choices aren’t the only reason we get into storms. Sometimes we are led into storms for our benefit. Either way, that is not important.

Knowing if it was your fault or not is not what you should focus on or even think about anymore.

These pauses cause exactly what they are called. Pauses. You get distracted and take steps back when you start analyzing something that is no longer irrelevant. What is relevant is who you are now. That is the past. The New You is the future. These pauses cause more confusion and pain. Sometimes it's easy to move on from this train of thought and sometimes it’s harder. Either way it is not helpful. Does it help to blame yourself? Does it help to think you deserved everything that happened? Does it help to believe things could have been different? It makes no difference at all. However, it does put you down. Whenever a thought like this begins to form in your mind, purposely distract yourself by thinking instead of the blessings that came out of it. The strengths that came out of it. The lessons and loves that came out of it. This helps you see the good. 

For example, if you’re hurting from an abusive relationship, you can either blame yourself for “being stupid” or look to the fact that you got out. You did that. You knew your worth and left. Don’t pause now and wonder what if you had made smarter choices. Instead, pause and know that in the end you did. That’s what matters. Those kids are examples of what you survived. Your journey is an example of what you are capable of. Your new life is an example of what you have accomplished. Focusing on these things produces something better in you. A great feeling which is what you deserve. Because truthfully, this is who you are now. That person that walked into the storm is dead and gone. You are the new person that rose from those ashes. So, any thought about the past is null and void. 

Don’t even start to say that is not me, or I didn’t really do anything. You did all of that. Yes, you! Own that credit! You are amazing! You are strong! You are a fighter and survivor! So why should you be punished?