Helpless

Focus on what you can do rather than stress about what you have no control over -Catherine DeVrye

I wish I could change it. Or at least make it all go away. But I can’t. I am left feeling helpless. Watching a situation happen and not able to do anything about it. At least that is what I have felt. It is what my mind has told me. I know I am not alone when feeling this way. Completely helpless. There are countless of times in life we get to this point. There are also countless of ways we can react to it.

I am going to be brutally honest here. I have wondered if my girls were just not meant to have a dad. How come I get to have my dad but yet they can’t have theirs. Thy seemed to have accepted it before me. They no longer ask or pray to some day have a dad. They have accepted our family as it is. They no longer look at their friends and their dads and have that look on their face that makes me want to cry. They no longer try to avoid any activity where they would feel left out for only having a mom. Their family is complete to them. They easily say parent with no s and move on. They laugh and play and tell stories and carry on with dreams of the future and plan away.

I on the other hand sometimes struggle. I used to go overboard. I felt I needed to fill a huge hole missing in our life. I would overcompensate with toys and love and play dates and trips. Whatever they wanted. I avoided reminders or any two parent homes. It’s like I was trying to create a world where only moms existed. Clearly impossible. I needed a reality check. I felt completely helpless. The one thing I really wanted to give my girls I couldn’t and it hurt me so much. I hated this feeling. But it was a feeling I needed to understand and come to terms with. I needed to accept the situation for what it was. A part of their story and mine. 

I don’t know where God is taking them or what their life story is going to be. But this was clearly a huge part of it. I cannot be the one to ruin it by using my crazy human ways to control their life. I can’t run to the next guy I see knock him out and force him to be their dad. I can’t give them everything they ask for and spoil them ignoring the fact I will be creating spoilt brats. I can’t run from the pain and pretend it doesn’t exist. I can’t wear a dress during the day and pants at night with a goatee. I just can’t. Instead I need to focus on what I could do. Be their mom. Show them its okay to cry and express their hurt. Let them know I am there for them no matter what. Help them navigate through life as they get older. And always remind them that he is not missing a thing because he is now the angel watching over them. 

I may be helpless but I am not useless.

There was still something I could do. Your situation may not be like mine but I hope it helps you find something else you can focus on instead of what you can’t do. We can’t control everything. But there is always something you can do. Whether it is waiting or sharing or loving. Shift your focus to that instead. Every little thing counts.