Going Through The Emotions

“I think a hero is an ordinary individual who finds strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles” - Christopher Reeve

When your heart breaks whether by death or breakup or any sort of loss your emotions can be all over the place. Unfortunately for us we are now on a journey we must go through. There’s no avoiding or ignoring our emotions. They make themselves very obvious to us. But with time we will get through it. You are going to be okay. It feels so hard right now that okay doesn’t even seem to be on the horizon. I felt that deeply after my husband passed suddenly. The pain was so deep I felt this was where I would dwell forever. Life was never going to be different. I started with shock which kept me there for days. It was a blur and the only thing I can remember is being in a nightmare that wouldn’t go away. I would sleep and he would be alive again in my dreams, only to wake up and have the slow realization hit that he was no longer with me. By the time the funeral home called me a week later to tell me they had my husband’s body back from the medical examiner’s office my emotions took a hard turn to extreme despair. I was locked up in the bathroom crying. I didn’t want to see anyone or talk to anyone. I couldn’t understand what or how. Anger would seep when I got to why. I could not tell you how I treated others. I was drowning in my pain. I had lost my first love and my best friend. 

It was a ride that I hated and there was no getting off. I had to go through these emotions. Everyone’s emotions will be different but we will all have to go through them. What helps is having a supportive person or group that will be there for you. It may not feel like much but just being there is huge. I can’t tell you how much I treasured the visits, or the sleepovers, or the cake eating on the floor with me. Even silent moments with a candle burning was something I treasure. For those moments when you want to be alone it's nice to know that when you’re ready to jump out of hiding and hug someone they are right there waiting. As each day goes by it slowly gets easier. It slowly gets better. I remember focusing on the current hour only and soon extended to just today or just this week. I became stronger and it became easier. 

God takes you on a journey through your season of loss. Amazingly enough you come out of it with a gain.

I lost what felt like my world, but I gained an angel in heaven watching over me. I gained a new strength from surviving something so painful. My roller coaster ride had ended but a new change began. As I post this, it is his 9 year anniversary of passing. I still think of him, I still have conversations with him, I still miss him so very much. I share his memories with his kids and we celebrate his life each year on his anniversary. If you are in a rollercoaster of emotions right now, I understand the difficulty, the random added stresses, the anger and pain and all of it. But one day you will get to the other side. It will get easier. It will not last forever. Most of all, you will survive this. Absolutely without a doubt. Your heart will heal again. Just give it time.