I Was That Girl

“You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” - AA Milne

I was that girl that grew up with maids. Never had to make a bed. I had a driver that drove me to school and picked me up. I can’t remember washing dishes, laundry, or even having chores. I was pampered, shielded and spoilt. Being the baby girl, I could have whatever I wanted if I asked for it. I didn’t ask because I didn’t want to be a bother. I behaved because I was once told I was a good kid and it made everyone happy. This girl doesn’t sound like a strong survivor. She doesn’t seem like someone who could last under pressure. But let me tell you I was that girl.

Now looking back many years later I can now understand that the phrase is true. You don’t know what you are capable of until it happens. Especially when you have barely had to lift a finger. I would have voted against me. Completely and absolutely. I was that girl! I avoided discomfort and pain at all costs. Looked for the easy way through everything. Actually, I still do. That has not changed, but, and this is a big BUT.

When it comes to fighting, surviving, accomplishing something, that girl is something different.

I had a choice. We all have choices. Will you run or will you stay and fight? Will you give up or will you keep holding on? I may love to choose the easy route but I chose hard many, many times. I may prefer someone else cleaning my house, but I prefer to work through a strong budget lifestyle than ask people to lend me the money. I may look forward to takeout than to making dinner, but I will rather go through a very difficult divorce than to just stay in the abusive marriage. 

We all have our choices and no one is saying any are wrong. Someone may look at you and say you’re lazy. That’s their perspective. Do they know the tough decisions you have had to take? Do they know what you have had to give up? Do they see your silent tears in isolation? It is easy to judge the outside but we have to be willing to search for the fruit. The product of actions taken. 

When my husband died, I lived in a two story home with his parents. Staying was easy. They are amazing people. They have so much love to give. I had no intentions of running away and taking their grandkids with me. I was asked a million times by family and friends if I would move out or if I would stay now that I was a widow. I stayed for two years to ease the transition of us slowly starting a new life. It wasn’t easy staying because of all the memories of the marriage I lost. It also wasn’t easy leaving because I was embarking on living by myself for the first time ever, but with two little girls to take care of. 

An easy option would have been to move in with my parents and allow them to handle everything. But if I was going to show my girls that we can and will survive this, I needed to show it through my fruit. I needed to take steps towards something hard.  Doesn’t sound like that girl. But I was that girl. And I did do it! 

It’s the reminders we need to look for in our past that when life tries to make you think you won’t survive the trial coming up in front of you.

Whatever seemed unlikely for you, you did it. Where did you shock everyone? Where did you leave jaws hanging with speechless faces. You were that person and you did it!

Another example of a place I could have stayed. My second marriage was absolutely terrible. It got worse the longer I stayed. One year in, I was depressed, broken and already considering suicide. The fear was put in me to not leave. He threatened to hold on to our new baby. He said I would not make it on my own. That every man is the same and I wouldn’t find anything better. His family told me to just put up with it all so my kids would have a father figure. It would seem like that girl would just stay to avoid the anger, but instead that girl knew that regardless of the anger, it would continue to get worse if she stayed.

So as hard as it was, she left and fought for her son. She fought for her freedom. She fought to survive. She fought to get to a better, healthier place. It took years but eventually it happened. She got her healing. Her home became a safe space. Her sanity was no longer messed with. 

We think we can’t make it. We weren’t trained for this. We don’t have a manual. Do we even have the ability or the skills to know how or what to do? I was that girl and yet, I have come so far in my journey. To surviving so much and still standing. The same is said for you, or it will be once you keep pushing, fighting and moving forward. Trust me. I was that girl.