It Takes Time Processing

“Only time can heal your broken heart. Just as only time can heal his broken arms and legs.” - Miss Piggy

Healing a broken heart takes time. Not our time nor the world’s time, but God’s time. He is the one we should leave it up to in the first place. If it was up to me I would have healed by the morning after the break up and would have been moving on with my day. Just had my breakfast, made sure it was something good to treat myself then went off to work, bright and sunny. Why go through all the crying and dealing with emotions and what nots. Sounds like a long messy process. Ugh. Just get a good night’s rest and you are brand new. Off to your next relationship.

But we are not here to talk about my terrible plan. If there is one thing I have learned is that time is a necessary part of healing. It’s part of the complete package. You can’t heal properly without Processing What Happened. You can’t heal properly without Going Through the Emotions. And you can’t heal properly without Dealing with the Aftermath. All of this needs Time. Sometimes it feels like God is taking you through each season to get you to the end.

At times we take steps back which can seem super frustrating but that does not make you a failure.

It makes you right on time, because it is totally normal. I can’t tell you how many times I have felt I made it to the next level and then a month later everything hurts again. I then find myself crying out Why? How did I get back here? I thought I was done and healed. But the truth was I was rushing. I was rushing to get over that pain and hurt. So I claimed I was good. I claimed all was well until a trigger exposed me and I retreated. 

This is all part of the Processing. A lot has happened to you to put you in this predicament of a broken heart. Maybe you trusted and got betrayed. Maybe they turned out not to be who they said they were and you had to separate, losing all your hopes and dreams. Maybe they never even loved you to begin with and were using you. Maybe it’s all three. That is a lot to process and a heavy load to bear. First, let me say I am so sorry. Because the light in you feels like it just died. One, you did not deserve that. Two, it was not your fault. Three, for every comment that it happens, it still sucks that it had to happen to you. But we can’t bury it and pretend it never happened. It always finds a way to come back up. Not always in an obvious way. A lot of times it’s subtle in the way we treat the next relationship we jump into. Or in the way we avoid relationships completely. 

Talk it out with a friend, trusted confidant or therapist. One conversation won’t be enough either. There are memories of the relationship that will pop up and you need to get it off your chest. You need a healthy space to process it with a healthy supporter who will not encourage you to do the wrong thing. The wisdom of our elders is also much appreciated in moments like these. You deserve to be taken great care of, because something happened to you. Something real and something traumatic. If it has changed the way you see things and do things then there’s no argument that it’s not a big deal. It’s a huge deal. Take it seriously and take your time with it. Next we will talk about Going Through the Emotions. Another important step in your timeline of being whole once again.