Defining Moments

“When a defining moment comes along, you can do one of two things. Define the moment, or let the moment define you.” - Tin Cup

 We have all had that Moment. If you haven’t had yours yet then it’s coming. What is the Moment? The Moment is when things pivot in your life. When things are about to change forever. It’s not like changing a train route or writing with a new pen. It is the day you bring home the baby. The day you quit your job for a whole new different opportunity. It can also be the day you find out you have cancer. The day you decide to file charges. Either way it is scary. It is life changing. It is the unknown and you now have to start taking a step into a new direction of life.

Decisions have to be made.

Every point after this moment is important. Will you keep pushing forward or give up? Are you going to fight or are you going to fall? Are you going to survive? Are you going to sink.? One occasion I experienced the Moment was at my husband’s burial. Watching them close the casket and slowly lower it into the ground. I realized in that moment that this was it. This was that time where I said a final goodbye to the life that I had. The life where I had a loving husband, who cared for us. The life where I depended on him for everything. I needed to make a decision in this moment. How was I going to start this new life?

Would I walk away from that cemetery and just give up?

The ceremony itself went by like a blur. My body was present but all I could focus my eyes on was the casket. As I stared at it, I remembered how I used to place my head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat. It was so random but I liked to listen to it here and there. He never complained about this, nor commented on how odd it was that we would be watching a movie and suddenly my head was on his chest listening. Sometimes today, I wonder if deep down inside I knew one day it would no longer be possible.

I cannot remember anything the Pastor said. His lips just kept moving until I noticed his hands motioning for me to walk towards him, where he stood next to the casket. I realized it was time for me lay my flower down in the final goodbye before the casket was lowered. I hesitated. I was not ready for this to be over yet. I still hoped for him to hop out and say ‘Surprise!’ or ‘Just kidding!’ As cruel a joke as that would have been, I preferred it to this moment. I found the strength to move forward and placed the single flower down slowly. I held my umbrella with one hand as I could feel the rain pour heavily around us. I knew God was crying with me. The moment the flower left my hand it felt like my world was slowly crumbling piece by piece. This chapter of my life was slowly closing and there was nothing I could do about it.

I didn’t know if I could handle it.

It must have shown on my face because the concerned looks around me turned to worry. I can’t remember who but someone rushed to my side and slowly walked me back to my little girls. They stood there next to their grandmother, not understanding what was happeneing. They were only two and four. Others took opportunities to put their flowers on his casket and soon it began to lower. I slowed my breathing down so that I wouldn’t crumble down to the ground. My first love was gone. The love of my life was never coming back. It was the Moment. My mind suddenly kicked back on. This was the beginning of a new life. I was no longer married but a widow. It was no longer a two parent home but one.

As they started to throw the dirt in, I turned around, grabbed my little girls hands and walked us to the car. Everyone ran over trying to help me and offered to drive me, but I declined. It was time for me to take over. Knowing myself, I knew that if I didn’t start now I never would. I was now the leader of this family. I was going to be the one to start making every single decision from this point on. I was going to be the one who was going to provide for us, to guide us, to lead us. So I buckled my girls into their car seats, got behind the wheel, and I drove us home from that cemetery.

I can’t say that every day after that was strength and courage and power.

I broke down so many times. I wanted to give up so many times. There were times I didn’t even know if I could keep going. But with each step forward, and with each moment, God moved me, God guided me and God led me. It was a journey that started with one moment. Looking back at that moment, I don’t know where the strength came from. But I know that God knew it was in me all along. He was just showing me that I’ve always been strong. I just needed to see it. I’m not saying that that was the reason for me getting to that moment. That’s a whole different conversation. But there are some moments that reveal certain things in us and that is just part of the situation. That’s just part of the story.

If you are in your moment, I want to tell you that you can do this. If it needs to be done, it will be done. Everything is inside of you. If you are past that moment, I hope you see the amazing journey you took and are absolutely be proud of yourself. Don’t think anyone could’ve done it because not everyone does it. You chose to make that decision to move forward in that moment. If your moment hasn’t come yet, I want you to know that when it does, you will know exactly what to do. You will survive it and make it through. 

The moment may choose us but we choose what happens next.