When You Love the Person That Hurts You

Sometimes we fall in love with the wrong person, but that ‘wrong’ person prepares us for the right one. - Unknown

It sounds impossible. To love the one who hurts you. To those who have been there it will make perfect sense. It is a moment in life when you realize you are there, and it hurts you to even think about it. How can I still love them? They have caused me so much pain. They may have brought you to your breaking point. But when they smile at you and are so sweet again, you remember the reason you fell in love with them. You see it all over again and the feeling comes swooping back in. The trauma bond may be in effect. But then again, maybe not. All you know is that you don’t want to be here, feeling emotionally attached to this person. 

You remember the things they did. The hurts they caused. Yet they come around apologizing and looking for your love language making it so hard for you to stay mad. If you are in a moment like this, where you wish you didn’t love them. You wish you could rip out these feelings you hate are there. If so please place your hand on your chest, close your eyes, take a deep breath and know that you are not alone. You are not crazy. You are not weak. However, you can take some steps to help you deal with this if the relationship is over and done.

Distance yourself from them as much as possible. It’s hard to move past someone when you are constantly speaking and doing things together. The space helps you recollect yourself, process what is going on and give things a chance to fade away. In the same way you would avoid a huge pothole, avoid the hurt you know will be coming.

Don’t try to inquire into their lives. It’s not your business. You don’t need to see how they are doing. There’s no reason for you to be friends. If a child is involved, separate your feelings and focus only on the child. Looking into something is equal to investing your feelings into it. Stay away from their social media, their social circles, and don’t check into their livelihood in any way.

Bring a new focus into your life. A hobby perhaps or a dream you’ve always wanted to fulfill. There is also the option of things that were neglected due to them taking up all of your time and energy. Now you can go back to those things. A new focus helps to take your mind off of them and leads to a new passion popping up. It will get you excited in a new way and could lead to amazing possibilities.

Pour more love into yourself, family and friends. You have so much love to give. That makes you an amazing human being. Someone took advantage of this love which caused you pain. When our child hurts themselves we care, we nurture and nurse back to health. You need the same thing too. Treat yourself. Love yourself. Go easy on yourself. This is not the time to reprimand yourself for your decisions. Not now or ever! 

Tell yourself ‘These feelings are no longer mine.’ Sounds weird but saying things out loud over and over has been known to make it seem true. If you are doing all the things above, you are moving your love to a safer space. This will add the cherry on top to help you disown those feelings as well. You are also using your words with power. Speaking life into reality. 

Loving someone is a powerful feeling. So powerful that sometimes it leaves you feeling helpless. Thankfully you are not helpless. You have someone bigger guiding you, comforting you, helping you get through this journey. It will take time but you will get to a better place. God will guide you. He will not ever leave you alone. Pour out your feelings to God whenever you want to. Even in our weakest moments He makes us strong.