About That Next Time…

“We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.” - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

We had a first time. The first time sucked. It hurt and caused so much pain that it left behind a scar. Whether it was a ruined relationship, a miscarriage, a disease. Whatever you were going through, you survived it and thought the worst was over. You fought hard, you made it through, you are done. And the hope was still there. Even after that painful journey, the hope to try again lingered. It will be better in my next relationship. I will have a smoother pregnancy this time. Those cancer cells are dead and gone and I now have a second chance at life. Things will be better this time. This will be my happy ending. It tried to end me but failed. So future, here I come.

Then it happens….again. You find yourself right back. The very place you never ever wanted to be in again. You didn’t want to ever feel that pain again. That loss, that fear. You were supposed to be free. To have that chance for a happy ending. This time it hurts so much… maybe more. We thought this would be our happy ending. We thought things would be better or go smoothly. Why are we here? Why is it like this? Do I not deserve it? Did I do something wrong? Does God not love me? 

Now we have a new feeling added in the mix of everything else. Disappointment. In us? In life? The questions can be overwhelming. Your ‘again moment’ may not even be a second time. It could be a third or fourth or even fifth time. It’s been exhausting and seems like it just won’t end. You are not wrong for getting angry. You are not wrong for reacting in any way that you choose. 

At this time, I wish there was something magical that I could say to make it all go away instantly. There are ways we can ease the pain or feel strong again.

But the truth of the matter is that it sucks!

So, here is your place, here is your space. The time for you to scream out that frustration. The time for you to let it all out. Let out that anger. Let out that grief. Let out that frustration. Because you deserve it. You deserve to have that moment to say what you’re feeling. To say what you’re thinking. To just ask the why questions. To wonder, to hope, to pray. 

You are allowed to feel however, you want to feel. Once you have screamed it out, once you have let it all out, once you have just cried it out. Sit in this moment. Just sit. I want to now send you hugs and love. And let you know that this is not how your story ends. It does get better. It does improve. It changes and joy is going to come your way. Because you were not meant to go through the cycle of sadness forever. You were not meant to stay stuck here. You were not meant to only have pain. That joy, that beautiful thing that’s made just for you is still out there and you will receive it. 

Don’t lose hope in your again moment. Give yourself love. Give yourself time and hold on to God. He hasn’t forgotten you. He loves you. He sees you. He grieves with you. Nothing lasts forever. Continue on this journey holding his hand through conversation, prayer, worship. It does get better but not always in the way we expect.